Rugby (League) has been one of those quirk obsessions I came across late in my life that hangs around in the most interesting way. As I’ve said in previous posts, if it weren’t for the pandemic shutting down practically every sport on the planet save for the National Rugby League out of Australia, I wouldn’t have been a fan. And what’s better, the team I (kind of) support, the Sydney Roosters, are going to be playing in both the Men’s AND Women’s Grand Final this weekend. The American offshoot, the Los Angeles Roosters, had their championship a few weeks back and well,
Either way you slice it, rugby (league) is a big deal in (parts) of Australia. And like how we NFL watchers wonder who is going to perform at the Super Bowl Halftime Show, the NRL Grand Final typically has a similar bit of that elevated fanfare. This is a code of rugby that’s uniquely Australian, and there are certain times (the other being a series of games known as “State of Origin” that is equal parts popular as well as B-Movie sounding) where there’s a bit of pomp and circumstance. So it was a shame last week when news broke that the original intended opening musical act, Tones & I, decided to withdraw from performing. The singer cited scheduling conflicts, but the rumor going around is that Tones & I would not commit to playing her smash hit, “Dance Monkey,” on the grand stage. You know the song, right?
You know, in finding the music video, I learned a lot of things. One, I had NO idea this woman was Australian. Second, I played this song at a couple of weddings as a DJ, and the comments are basically telling me that was a mistake. Third, can YOU think of another Tones & I song?? I mean, I’ve heard of bands being sick of their hit single, but let me tell you something as I have plans to balance my checkbook after writing this article: If I was a one-hit wonder and was getting paid, I would play my song FOR LIFE. I mean, we all still remember Gotye, right? RIGHT?!
So Tones & I peace’d out to tour with Macklemore, leaving the NRL in a lurch. And I’m sure the NRL struggled in finding a replacement—because who wants to take the gig that the Dance Monkey turned down—the resulting decision was to not have an opening act at all.
Despite Australian artists reportedly lining up to perform for game day, set for October 4th at Sydney’s Accor Stadium, the event will proceed without a pre-game concert, according to chairman Peter V’landys.
“I have been inundated with emails from young Australian performers that want to perform at the grand final,” V’landys told Today on Wednesday. “We have even had an international star that has said if we donate money to his charity that he would possibly do it.”
Now I’ve never met Peter V’landys personally, but he’s kind of a jerk. When I won a contest to cover the second ever NRL: Las Vegas round and got the all-access badge to match, his “office” revoked areas after the fact but didn’t tell me. Having a badge that got weaker as the day went on was both frustrating and hilarious. Like I was playing a round of “the stadium is lava,” which confined me to a row of seats by the event’s end.
So “no musical act, just a donation” went over as well as you thought it did. Any booking agent will tell you that you always have alternates at the ready, and the fact that NRL didn’t made them look like a bunch of amateurs. But then, this happened:
So we went to an act bailing, to no act, to… “we have a surprise.” Ooh boy.
Do people tune in for surprises? Usually when I buy something online that’s marked a “surprise” I just spend the afternoon rationalizing blowing my money on something that could be potentially lame. The thing is, if this sport and show is as big as you want it to be, it can’t be a “tune in for a surprise.” What could possibly make everyone happy? Ya can’t; that’s why you announce entertainment in advance. Those who like it can anticipate, and those who don’t like the artist can awkwardly and hastily make up their own alternatives.
A surprise. Jeez
I’ll be roo—supporting both the Sydney Roosters Men’s and Women’s squads this weekend. Might even play a lil “Dance Monkey” if they get the dub.
#EastsToWin