Not Making This Up: Progresso Soup Has Made Hard Candy
They are calling it 'Soup You Can Suck On'... Seriously
As the kids say, “We got soup-flavored candy before GTA VI,” y’all.
I like to keep things light over here at Just The Sandwich. Even though I treat this as a ‘sports and culture’ blog, it is an open beta project to document my experience with things a bit off-kilter. And well, ain’t nothing more off-kilter than Progresso Soup dropping a soup-flavored hard candy that claims to be for “Ultimate Cold and Flu Season Discomfort.” From the General Mills website:
While most folks flock to the cough drop aisle at the first sign of a cold, Progresso is here to say, “Hold my spoon!” Progresso Soup Drops deliver the classic, hearty flavor of Progresso Chicken Noodle Soup in a format that will definitely SOUPrise fans — it’s a convenient hard candy drop — reminding you of the comfort you can find in a bowl of Progresso Soup. These savory drops are arriving for a limited time this month for National Soup Month, right at the height of cold and flu season. - General Mills
Okay, horrible soup-pun aside, I wasn’t sure how to take that when I first wrote it. Was I confused? Disgusted? Impressed by the brand’s genius? I bet the first two are easy to explain, but the latter one seems like the right answer the longer I think about it. I mean, when was the last time you had a can of Progresso Soup? I grew up in the Ramen era but them cans are the original “struggle meal” merchants. Health-conscious people won’t buy ‘em because of the sodium, people who got new money remember the cold nights with Progresso and a couple of slices of bread too vividly to ever go back, and canned soup SNOBS know that Campbell’s Chunky Soups are superior.
Or maybe it’s because Campbell Chunky soup has been leaning into the “so hearty, athletes would drink it” marketing play for the past four decades:
And so, the folks at the Progresso…um… Hype Beast lab…(?) decided to not only release Soup Lozenges but to do so with LIMITED DROPS on Thursdays in January. Because something can’t be considered ridiculous if it’s a Limited Edition. Just like those Astro Boy shoes that MSCHF dropped a couple of years back:
Where was I? Ah yeah, the soup stones. Well, people have already gotten the first shipments, or do I call them “sips” now? If you want to see people painfully describe what they are tasting and pretend they aren’t just eating chicken bouillon, have at it:
Now, the REAL innovation to be made is pre-soup-soaked bread. But that’s another invention for another time.