My Word, The UFL is a Mess!

Spring Football Used to be Cool. Now, You Can Just Feel The Baggage

With the world talking about JuJu Watkins ACL Tear, and the sudden controversy surrounding “Torpedo Bats” in Major League Baseball, I of course have to talk about something that’s been on my mind for weeks. Spring Football! Hey hey hey, please don’t leave. In fact, if you’re reading this can you please tell a friend to subscribe to the site? Jokes aside, the United Football League (aka The UFL) is going through some stuff and I want to talk about it.

So before I get to this season, let’s talk about the history of the league. With the need for more football in this country, not one but TWO leagues were founded to scratch that itch. On one hand, you had the FOX-supported USFL, itself a reboot of the league from the 1980s. People dug the nostalgia tones of it all, but for me, it was BORING. On the other hand, you had the ESPN-supported XFL. A league that was a crass failure (2001), an amazing league with promise that got cut short by the pandemic (2020), and a flawed but appreciated third iteration supported by The Rock (2023). Each league had their fans but I was totally an XFL guy. I mean, what league had theme songs for each of its teams?

Oh yeah, feel the cheese.

Anyway in 2024, both the XFL and the USFL merged to form the UFL. The purpose was the “bring high-octane spring football action” to America. But really the idea was to be profitable while giving fans something new to bet on and to give washouts and hopefuls a new pathway to the NFL. No harm, no foul right?

Most football stadiums can house 50-80 THOUSAND fans at a time. With the respectable exception in St. Louis, NOBODY is coming out to the games. And while you could argue that times are hard and people don’t have “football money,” most tickets start at the comically affordable $29 price point. For comparison, an NFL game featuring the Chargers start about 2.5 times as much. Another look at that chart will tell you that three of the league’s 8 teams are based in Texas. It doesn’t seem very “national.”

San Antonio’s uniforms are cool looking, but “San Antonio Brahmas” are one of the clunkiest names for a team not named the New Orleans Pelicans.

Let’s talk about team names. The XFL back in the day had squads like Vipers, Guardians (but the logo was a gargoyle), the muhfuggin’ DRAGONS. They had goofy aura. The kind of thing that makes you go, “Hey, I know this is a step down but at least I’m having fun.” It’s a strategy. The USFL and the resulting UFL has some of these team names, but you know what’s not fun? Teams with names like “Michigan Panthers.” Check out this clip:

If you watched that, went “neat” and decided to open a tab to check your e-mail, I wouldn’t blame you.

I’m not even going to talk about the labor dispute that may threaten the existence of the league — okay I will. As I understand it the league lost a BUNCH of money last year. And so, when some players are like we want a labor contract, what they got from the league was “Oh hell nah, you lucky you were invited to this, homie.” Full story here.

I’d say my big problem I have with the league is the marketing. Honestly, if you didn’t know me personally, would you have even heard of the UFL? Have any of these teams even tried anything to get the word out in the offseason? Did we see the star quarterback of the…oh, I dunno…The Houston Roughnecks on Dancing With The Stars? The whole league is just leaning on The Rock to do the heavy work for them and trust me, he’s busy. He’s working Wrestlemania this month, he’s got a media company he’s running, he’s got his own tequila, an energy drink, and a skincare line…?

Even the US Army is suing the UFL because they don’t get the word out at all. Like I said, if this is a sham league so that people can bet on things then fine. However, if you really want this to be an NFL alternative, they are LOSING the plot.

The current teams need to either move to other, more viable cities or go back to the “hub model” with having all the squads play under one roof. It worked with Unrivaled and they are looking to come back next winter. Please reach out to the local artists, or have games on Fridays so you can encourage schools to take half days and bring students through the gates. Try the social media collab route if you’re desperate, but for the love Luis Perez do SOMETHING. I don’t know why this is keeping me up at night. I should be following the Tush Push story instead. Now that’s real football!