America, You Old.
250th Birthday Party Invite is in the Mail, But Dress Accordingly
See that flag up there? That’s Old Glory. 50 stars, 13 stripes, and a whole lot of at-tit-tude. The American Flag means a lot of things to a lot of people, and yes, it can mean a lot of things to a single person given the context, but there’s one thing you can’t deny: It’s everywhere. It’s a flag almost nobody would have trouble identifying. A global symbol that is right up there with Coca-Cola and Beyoncé.
In 2026, the United States (this humble writer’s country of origin) is having its semiquincentennial birthday this weekend, and it seems everyone is all about celebrating the fact that America is 250 years old. Well, not average citizens. We stopped keeping track after 200 and probably will not tap back in until 300, but everybody else.
And look, there was a draft of this post where I was going to talk about how hard it is to appreciate the American flag as a minority sometimes. Like, I’m 100% American-born, but the guys and gals who really fly the flag (like reaaaaally fly the flag) are typically in another walk of life. And I could lament that a symbol for freedom for all is sometimes used for literally the opposite, but then I realized that’s another post for another time. Why?
Because it’s RED WHITE AND BLUE in YO FACE this year, BABY!
For example, Major League Baseball releases caps for Independence Day. Have you seen this year’s edition?
Ugh.
It looks like somebody is going to be making hot dogs in that thing. And that USA patch? Yikes. You know, speaking of America 250. I didn’t realize this, but Congress had a whole plan for the year with festivals, firework shows, and all that. Will I go? Probably not. To be fair, I didn’t even go to the “White House” sponsored Freedom 250 American State Fair Festival.
But I digress.
Major League Baseball decided to have its All-Star Game in Philadelphia this year. And best believe everything is going to be adorned in red, white, and blue. General Mills has gone so all out, they have a whole line of star-spangled snacks.
Cadillac Formula 1 Team, the newest team in the circuit and a car that’s usually in black and silver, brought out a special edition colorway. And while it looks like something Steve Rogers would commute to work with if he didn’t want to walk, it has presence.
I’m sorry, did you want something cheesier? Well, America 250 has its own line of MERCH. I mean, I also have my own LINE of MERCH, but I’m a nation of one. Anyone remember back in the day we used to pile into an Old Navy every July 3rd because they had American Flag t-shirts for $4? Well, bump that, George the Star is gonna be the centerpiece of your new fit:
This Independence Day weekend, make you celebrate responsibly. Despite a lot of things, the USA is (at least in theory) all about freedom and liberty (and justice?) for all. So raise a glass, and pop a Toaster Strudel with a friend. If not, George is gonna come for you!